The Seven Essential Life Skills Every Child Needs
By Ellen Galinsky
Facilitator: Dr. Sue Eliason
Perspective Taking
What strategies can you suggest to promote perspective taking in the children you teach? Why is this important? How would understanding clarify a situation? Relate your response to the book as well as to your real life examples.
33 comments:
Grace Curley
said...
Inhibitory control , cognitive flexibility and reflection are all aspects of perspective taking and not easy for adults to stay attuned to nevermind children. In this age of bullying and children depression, both of which are sadly on the rise, there is just not enough perspective taking happening. Ellen writes " I've often wondered why perspective taking, despite being so important to human relationships , is not considered an essential skill for thriving. We rarely teach it at home or at school." Empathy and role playing are so important especially is this electronic age where socializing in person is less and less desirable. Encouraging children as early as possible to think and take a breath before they react to a situation would give their mind and bodies a chance to catch up with their emotions. This is easier said than done however; I would with school age children , many of whom are physical boys and their emotions are much faster than my feet! I try hard to get them to see the other child's perspective before something is said or done that cannot be taken back. Prevention is also helpful; to foresee a situation as potentially fraught with emotion and steer clear or divert or redirect. Hopefully, the more time and thought we put into how we treat the children and each other, the more examples of perspective taking the children will have.
I agree with Grace's post. When I first saw this question I also thought about the comment in the book questioning why this skill doesn't have the emphasis put on it that it rightly should. Especially in this day and age where we see people (children and unfortunately some adults) doing what they want without thinking about others or the impact their actions have on those around them. Perspective taking is HUGE and so important to teach at a young age so the child grows up with a sense of compassion and empathy. This will make for a more successful individual later in life. In our group, it can be difficult with the really young children but what comes to mind is when a two year old kicks or steps on a book or toy when we have 'free play'. If a child is seen doing this, I will say something like "Oh Jacob, can I come to your house and kick all your toys? Would that be OK?" and naturally the child says "NO!" in a horrified voice to think I would do that to his favorite things! When they say no, I then say, "Well, please don't do that to my toys here." That usually clicks and the child corrects his behavior. If they don't get it, I also explain that if they step on the book or kick the toy, it could rip or break and then we wouldn't have it to play with or read anymore. That highlights the immediate consequences of their actions and they stop. Rarely do I have to go any further with this as the child begins to model some perspective taking. We also try to encourage perspective taking when we are teaching them to take turns. If a child is reluctant to give a friend a turn with a particular toy, I usually ask them how they would feel if the roles were reversed and they were the ones waiting to play with a toy a friend didn't want to share. You can almost see the "wheels" turning in their heads as they mull this over and slowly relinquish the toy!
I also agree that perspective taking should be a big part of learning in order for children to thrive. If everyone, adults and children, could stop and think before we do and say a lot of things, I think situation would not occur as often; such as bullying. To get a grasp on what someone else is thinking or feeling about a situation, in the moment, is hard enough as an adult and to think if children are not being taught how to read others emotions is very hard for them to understand what someone else is feeling. At the daycare where I work we have a wide age range of children so this is something that we try to work on a lot. One example is when one child will take a toy from another and makes that child either cry or lash out. When have the two children tell us what is going on and why the one took the toy. We then ask that child how do you think that made your friend feel and how would you feel if they had done that to you? We then end with the child saying they are sorry for taking the toy and the other child telling them that it is ok. We also have a baby that is loved by all but can’t talk so we have been teaching the older children that when they love all over her and she cries she is saying she has had enough so to please stop. They are starting to under her emotions by her reaction. I like the part in the book at reminds us to practice what we preach, by really listening to others they learn to listen back.
I found persective taking an interesting and important skill whcih needs to be intentionally taught. In the preschool years, one of the most important skills we teach is social-emotional growth and the ability for young children to understand others and become empathetic to other children's feelings. We have four rules in our preschool-kind words, hands on your own body, listening ears and walking feet. We discuss these everyday with the children and we ask them what they mean to them. They often relate them to an action and we use them in our everyday language and when conflicts arise. It helps them make sense of their own experiences and experiences of others. Today a little one in my class whom I didn't feel was empathetic toward others came up to another child outside and gave him his fallen hat and said, "It cold." It will be fun noticing these perspective taking incidents with the children. Also, I like the paragraph about bedtime battles. I hear that complaint from lots of parents, including my own daughter about my little grandaughter. I'm looking forward to relaying this information and seeing if it helps the situation with my class and my family.
Post# 3- Perspective Taking Perspective taking is an important skill for young children to learn. As preschoolers mature in their social skills, they are more apt to show empathy for others. It is a good reminder for teachers to “view peer conflicts as a good learning experience for children” as stated in the book. In our classroom, we ask the children to tell us what is wrong, how they each feel and to suggest ways to solve the problem. Talking about the children’s feelings during the conflict helps them to see other points of view and to learn that their words and actions have consequences. If a child hurts another peer we have them sit with them especially if the child needs an ice pack. With the mixed age group we have now, it was very noticeable in September with some 2.9 and 3 year old children. We had to teach them to “use their words”, ask before they take something from someone and to not break others buildings or manipulatives. We have “please save signs” for the children to use to save what they have made for one day. The timer works well too for taking turns until they learn to share on their own. I also talk about teasing and not excluding our friends from the group. This happens a lot more with the girls when two are playing together and another one wants to join them. Sometimes the girls will exclude the boys or vice versa. If a child repeatedly does this thye will be asked to play by alone for a while. In Chapter 2, Ross Thompson talks about a brain study that suggests that “children who have perspective taking skills are more apt to do well in Kindergarten”. Also Larry Abner feels that teaching “appraisal skills may reduce aggression and increase mental health. Reading books often and let the children answer questions about the story. We have feelings pictures that the children can guess what the emotion is being shown. It can be time consuming and takes a lot of energy throughout the day as we “put out fires.” it is worth it in the end as the children grow in this important social skill.
Galinsky has written that "perspective taking is crucial to all aspects of human success, that it is our main job to teach children to understand others' perspectives, that we have to learn to live with others." She states that perspective taking goes beyond empathy. It's figuring out what others are feeling and thinking. She feels that the inability to see things as others do is the the heart of conflict.
Galinsky also writes that perspective taking calls on the many of the brain's executive functions. It requires inhibitory control to help an individual inhibit his own thoughts and feelings to consider another perspective. It requires cognitive flexibility which helps an individual to see a situation in different ways and reflection which is the ability to consider someone else's thinking along side of our own.
We teach the children in our program to use conflict resolution when they have a problem with a friend, whether it be over a toy, something said, or physical contact, such as hitting.
Together we identify the problem, talk about how each child feels making sure that each child has a turn to give his side of the story and that the other child stops to listen. We discuss possible solutions and then choose a solution that is fair to everybody. The teacher is the facilitator who repeats what is being said and helps calm the children so that they can resolve the conflict.
When there is a conflict where a child is physically hurt, such as being pushed, we encourage the offender to ask "Are you okay?" "Do you need anything, a tissue or ice?" "Do you need a hug?" We teach them that saying sorry is the first step but that it's not enough. We have to solve the problem AND help the friend who got hurt.
We have also been making the children aware of the tone of voice they are using when they talk to a teacher, a parent, or friend. It's not just about saying the right words. It's also about the tone of voice, facial expression, and body language.
Daniel Goleman calls it "emotional contagion", that our brain has to catch the emotions on an unconscious level. The brain "extracts nonverbal information on subtle levels microseconds before we are consciously aware of it." When we intentionally teach our children these strategies, then we are giving them the foundation to be successful in school, at home, and in society.
The young children in our infant-toddler program are also taught perspective taking. They are encouraged to say, "No, my turn!" when another child tries to take away a book or toy or "I don't like that. It makes me feel sad." when the child is pushed or hit. You are never too young to learn perspective taking.
"Before we can teach perspective taking to our children, we have to learn it." p.72. This is such an important point. Often times, as the teachers of the children in our class or of our own children, we forget that they learn more from observing us than from what we actually say. We have to remember that we are role models. We bring children together to work out their problems. We also help them to really listen to each other and be aware of how another is feeling, but more importantly, we need to really listen to them when they are talking to us. We should not dismiss what they are saying or tell them that they are fine without really understanding the situation. Sometimes when the classroom gets really busy or when I have an idea of how a group lesson should go, I don't always give the children enough time to express themselves or how they are feeling. After having read this chapter on perspective taking, I will work harder to slow down and give the children the time they need to express their feelings and ackownledge those feelings as legitimate.
Galinsky states "Perspective taking involves the intellectual skill of discerning how someone else thinks and feels". Perspective taking is such an important skill. I agree with what Sue Trisoline said about bullying, if children could look at things from someoe else's perspective maybe there would be less bullying, same thing goes for cliques, if kids could put themselves in someone else's shoes maybe less kids would be left to feel like outsiders or outcasts. In my FCC some instances I use perspective taking is when the kids are arguing over toys or when someone gets pushed, hit or even bitten, I get the kids together and we look at the situation from all sides and together we come up with a solution to the situation. I use perspective taking with my two teenagers. When we disagree on an issue (such as my 16 almost 17 year old daughter wanting to get her drivers license) I look at both sides, yes I understand she wants her license and the independence that goes along with it, but my perspective is her driving skill aren't quite there yet and her safety as well as the safety of others is more important, so on this issue my perspective takes precedence. This isn't always the case, there are times she will explain her side of things and I will see that her perspective has merit and I sway her way. But as far at the driving goes even though she would be more independent and able to get herself places on her own making things easier for me, I just don't think her skills are quite there yet, so I have to give her opportunities to work on those skills and help her get where she needs/wants to be. I am trying to get her to see things from the parents perspective but that is easier said than done. I also wonder if perspective taking can go to far...I am good at seeig both sides of issues (such as political hot button issues)and seeing/understnding where both sides are coming from. Because of this I have trouble choosing sides, and usually stay neutral...because I see both sides and can't choose is this a good thing or a bad thing?? Is there too much perspective taking going on??
If the world was better at perspective taking, the world would be a much better place to live in! I agree with the book. This does seem to be an issue with adults in our world. What better place to teach about perspective taking then at the preschool level. Encouraging communication between the children helps them realize that the other child may have their own perspective. Many times asking the child "how do you think that made Suzi feel?" is met by just a glazed look. But if you ask Suzi in front of the other child.. "how did that make you feel?" Suzi will say that it made her sad/mad/scared etc. The other child can see first hand how his actions made Suzi feel.
We have a group of 4 girls who play together. Many times when they are playing princesses one of the girls, A, comes to the teachers and says that E called me ugly. E says no, I just said you could be the ugly step sister because we already have too many princesses. E will defend this statement like there was nothing wrong with it. I would tell E that that made A feel bad and that everyone can be a princess etc. E would say ok and they'd continue to play. The next day this would happening all over again, and the next day, and the next etc. So one day I said to E, well if there are too many princesses then maybe you could be the ugly step sister today. Her eyes filled up and she said... no she never wants to be the ugly stepsister. I told her that she didn't have to be but asked her how she thinks A feels when she tells A to be the ugly stepsister. E looked down and said "sad". E has never told anyone to be the ugly step sister again. Sometimes you need more than just pointing it out.... you may actually need to put yourself in someone else's shoes, in a safe way, to see their perspective.
Children who understand perspective taking will be in less conflicts and have the tools and understanding to help solve most conflicts. Taking someone else's perspective can clarify a situation by realizing it was an accident or not meant to hurt you. Understand why someone did what they did, can help the children solve the conflict.
3. What strategies can you suggest to promote perspective taking in the children you teach? Why is this important? How would understanding clarify a situation? Relate your response to the book as well as to your real life examples. “Perspective-taking” as used in the book seems to be a combination of taking a broad view, and being interested in, or taking into account the viewpoint, problems, thoughts, and feelings of others. The propensity for taking a broad view appears “architectural” in a child, as part of a child’s fundamental genetic makeup, some children being naturally interested in fine detail and others in broad concepts. Taking a broad view is perhaps not a teachable trait, although teaching what the broad view might be in specific instances or in categories if instances, is quite possible to teach, by rote. However, encouraging a child to incorporate the problems, thoughts, and feelings of others in their own thoughts and actions is important for both empathetic and pragmatic reasons. The ability for a child to do this greatly depends upon the child’s ability to communicate and “read” others, both abilities being variable child to child. Encouraging “perspective-taking” as part of a child’s natural empathy would therefore be a matter of creating or taking advantage of naturally occurring situations in which the child or the teacher is presented with situations suggesting the need for empathy. The teacher presented with such a situation would display empathy in an amplified and pleasurable way to set an example for emulation by the child. The child presented with such a situation would be encouraged and guided by the teacher towards pleasing empathetic behavior, and rewarded for it. “Perspective-taking” for pragmatic reasons is a more intellectual and strategic skill, which would be taught verbally, or by example, once a child gains some skill in empathetic “perspective-taking.” Teaching pragmatic “perspective-taking” carries with it the danger of teaching and encouraging manipulative behavior, so in this endeavor the teacher should always encourage in the child in a clear-headed examination of goals and considerations of what constitutes good and honorable behavior. As the author explains, it is not easy to teach a child to take the perspective of someone else, especially if the child does not see eye to eye or the object of empathy has something the child wants or has hurt the child. In order for the skill of perspective taking to be effectively taught, it must be constantly kept present as a concern in the classroom. By this time in the year, in our classroom we sigh with pleasure as we observe how well the children have learned to work and play and the cooperative things they say and do with one another.
In the program I work for our teaching curriculum has 5 components and one is Social Emotional. The Social Emotional we use is called Paths. Paths curriculum comes with puppets, props , lesson plans and hand - outs for the parents so they will know what emotions we have been talking about and can continue discussion at home. This whole curriculum is about perspective taking. The puppets act out different scenarios and talk about how they feel. Children are then able to use the puppets during free play to expand on their learning. Often when children have a conflict they will ask to use the puppets to help them communicate their feelings. We also use Conflict Resolution .The teacher will sit with two children to help resolve a conflict and repeat what each one says and ask them to come up with the solution. So many times I have gone into a classroom and see children fighting over a toy, the teacher will take the toy away and put it up on a shelf. The children never learn to resolve their problem or learn empathy. As the author says perspective requires inhibitory control and this is very challenging for many children especially children with impulsivity challenges.
Some strategies that I use in my classroom to promote perspective taking are to make sure other children are aware of others and their feelings, (looking at faces or actions) not just in times of battle or hurt feelings, but also I might say to a child, “I wonder what --- is laughing so much about?” or “Maybe we can find out why --- is making that screeching sound? So I think it is important with perspective taking, that the teacher use language that sparks the interest of children to find out how someone else is feeling. It helps everyone understand that we are all human. In the book it says that most of us don’t really think about how to teach children to be with others. By shifting your own perspective, you will begin to see the opportunities for learning. I’ve been practicing perspective taking with my husband and I can truly say there have been fewer opportunities for disagreement!
I think perspective taking is an important skill that is needed for conflict resolution. I saw it today where child A had a toy that child B really wanted. Child B instinctively went to grab for the toy so Child A started to have a little melt down. We encouraged Child A to 'use their words" so they did telling the other child they were playing with it. Well, Child B patiently waited their turn but Child A was taking a LOOONG time in wanting to give up that toy. We asked child A how would he feel if it were him who was waiting to play with the toy? How did he think Child B felt? etc. Then we asked Child A what he thought he should do. He thought for a moment and slowly handed the toy over to child B and said "okay, your turn!". It was important that the child come up with the solution to the dilemma himself. He 'got it' and it was, although guided, HIS decision. He also was praised for being a good friend and seeing that he was doing a great job sharing. It took a little longer to work through it this way but if we just intervened immediately at the first sign of conflict, all the child would see was a teacher taking a toy away from him and giving it to another and he would not have learned anything.
I think learning to read non-verbal cues (facial expressions, body posture) is one of the most important components to understanding others. In our playspace we sing songs like Happy and You Know It and make the corresponding facial expressions (happy, sad, mad, excited) and identify emotions in illustrations by asking "How do you think (that character) is feeling?"
The book mentions a "curriculum aimed at teaching children to understand other people's intentions and behaviors by using children's books" - I am very interested to know more about these resources. Is anyone familiar with this curriculum and/or the books that address these topics?
Pam- I like you strategies on perspective taking and how you appraoch conversation with the children to make them aware of others around them by asking open ended questions about how other are feeling or why they are doing something. We have many opportunties during the day to bring these type of conversations up with the kids. I can't wait to see what some of the children will say when I ask these type of questions. I know we already do alot of different things with ways to approach persective taking but sometimes just the casual conversation may get the wheels turning in our little ones heads to observe other a little more and really see how others are feeling.
I liked how Pam pointed out not just focusing on when the children are having unhappy feelings but also pointing out the happy feelings that the children are having. This teaches the children that even if someone isn't showing unhappy feelings that they are still having feelings,and that we should be aware of other peoples perspectives at all points not just un happy points. I have been making more of an effort to point out how others are feeling and having conversations about it with my little ones. I have a feelings puzzle that I use with the children, the puzzle has a bear on it and you can change faces to represent different feelings. When we use this puzzle I ask how do you think the bear is feeling now, what would make him feel that way? This is a nice way to talk about feelings/perspectives and how other's are feeling without singling out someone in the room.
One of the things that I really like about this discussion format is the opportunity to hear from other teachers dealing with similar classroom situations. This year I have ten girls and three boys in my group. Several of the girls have what I would call strong personalities. We use the term "kind friend" at our school. Our children are reminded to be kind friends, and that we are all friends at school. We encourage the children to talk to one another to resolve conflict and guide them as they work at being a kind friend. I often ask my children if their behavior was "a kind friend thing to do" and how they think it made someone else feel. I also ask what a kind friend might or should do, I let the children know that it's alright to want to play with different friends or do a quiet activity alone but to use kind words to communicate that to another child or children.
I think that understanding perspective taking such a key life lesson. As teachers of busy children, we are often pulled in many different directions. I think that it is very important to take the time to understand classroom situations and children's perspectives. Last week one boy at our school said "this is my worst day ever". Our director asked him why and he said no one is letting me sit where I want to. The boy was right. He had had a hard time positioning himself where he wanted to be. He was reminded that sometimes seating placement was not always a choice. He was also reminded to talk with friends or ask a teacher for help if necessary. Suggestion 4 on p. 92 says help children feel known and understood." I think in that instance the boy felt known and understood and that adults were there to help.
After rest time we often sit as a group before going to snack. We talk about our day and anything that we might need to address. My group needs to be reminded to respect space and property of others. One afternoon another teacher and I sat next to each other and showed the children what it was like to touch each other's things or to invade space. It was a great opportunity for discussion and the children could actually "see" what we were talking about. They understood how we or the other person might feel. Suggestion 7 on p.98 says "give children opportunities to pretend". That was our teacher opportunity to pretend. One of the things I love to do is observe when the children are playing in the play kitchen making a meal or playing dress up. It's always interesting to hear what they are saying to one another.
I thought each of the nine suggestions to promote perspective taking in children was helpful. Early childhood is such a critical time and learning about perspective is a skill that children will need an use daily for the rest of their lives. Galinsky says (p. 100) "Studies have found that young children who learn to understand what is going on in the minds of others have a better adjustment to kindergarten." We have been working with a girl in our program who will be heading off to kindergarten in the fall. She has older siblings at home and has not always been a "kind friend" to some of the girls at school. We have really monitored her interactions with peers and have praised her kindness and communication progress. It is rewarding to see the child learning to understand about perspectives.
In response to Susan Trisoline, I couldn't agree more about what you said about this being for both children and adults. It's heart breaking to hear that so many children, teens, and young adults are being bullied. Now a days if someone is bullying there are so many ways to do so. Whether it's in a school settings, outside of school, online, phone, or text messaging. I have always been a very open and accepting person and working with children I believe it's so important to teach children how to perspective take at a young age. This not only makes the child think about things before they say or do something but it also stays with them and is something they will work on throughout their lives and will be able to share with others who may not think of other peoples opinions. Mary Beth, I always really connected with what you said about the little boy at your center saying "This is my worst day ever," because of seating arrangements, which is supported on page 92 to help children feel known and understood. A child in my class who has a hard time napping told me last week that "nap time gave him 100 head aches." This time of day is extremely tough for him. Hes a very active child and he gets bored with reading books during this time, and the other activities we do have for those who do not nap. I have to take a step back and do some perspective taking with him and really try and understand what he is saying. It makes it a lot easier for both him and myself when we talk about it and share how we are feeling or how other children are very tired and they need their sleep during this time and we need to respect it and not make noise. Having open conversation with each other and feelings I believe is a huge step in making children and adults see different perspectives.
I enjoyed reading your insightful comments about perspective taking. Many of you mentioned bullying; is bullying a lack of perspective or a need for control? As Sheila stated Teaching “perspective-taking” carries with it the danger of teaching and encouraging manipulative behavior, so in this endeavor the teacher should always encourage in the child of what constitutes honorable behavior. It would appear there is a need to teach moral behavior. How do you teach morals and values? Additionally communication skills seem essential to perspective taking. Many discussed talking with children about feelings. How many of you purposefully teach emotional vocabulary? Which words do you use? Sheila’s added The ability for a child to do this greatly depends upon the child’s ability to communicate and “read” others, both abilities being variable child to child. Rosemary added It's not just about saying the right words. It's also about the tone of voice, facial expression, and body language. What about children with Autism Spectrum Disorder or other disabilities that effect communication? Ellen Gallagher added perspective requires inhibitory control and this is very challenging for many children especially children with impulsivity challenges. How do we accommodate children with learning differences? Susan T., Joanne, Sarah, and Pam remind us to practice what we preach, by really listening to others they learn to listen back. We need to be appropriate role models who practice compassion and empathy. I agree with Lisa that understanding the intention can help the resolve the conflict. I will remember this as I drive to campus tomorrow. See you tomorrow~Sue
I agree with Sarah and Susan's posts. Children are easily influenced by there surroundings and the culture and opinions of their parents and caregivers. We as educators can influence the their development of different perspectives by teaching and informing them about various cultures and situations like bullying etc.If we introduce this at a young age and continue to teach it through the years the children be more aware of these situations. I also think it is so important to teach children at an young age about diversity. Reading books and singing songs about differen cultures at circle time would be a great way to introduce this. Children need to learn to understand and accept the idea that all people are diffent but we are all equal. By teaching about diversity and situations like bullying children will be aware of the idea that there are many different lifestyles and points of view.
That is an interesting comment Susan posted regarding the bullying. When I think of perspective taking, I automatically assume it covers a moral issue because it is basically teaching children to think of others and hopefully treat others the way they would wish to be treated. We are constantly encouraging children to express their feelings verbally. If a child is upset and stomping their feet or crying because another took a toy they had, we tell them to "Use their words" and most times they will. Even if the child says in a not so nice tone, "I HAD THAT FIRST!!! GIVE IT BACK!" we allow them the chance to verbalize what they're thinking. It's really cool when they can straighten out the issue on their own. We often will lead them through the conversation though if they need some guidance on how to rectify the situation. Some days I feel like I say "Words!" or "Use your words!" a lot but as these kids are getting older, I can see how they are communicating better with each other and working out disagreements sometimes on their own.
I have found the previous bogs so enriching. The bloggers before me really have given me more to think about beyond the words in this book. For me, it is important to not only understand how the child’s mind works, but how I am enhance my skills as their daycare provider. From the previous blogs I was able to really think about good things that I do naturally with the children to teach Perspective Taking. We encourage the children to use there words and talk out problems. We work together to understand how everyone is feeling. We talk with the kids how we are a family and family’s take care of each. Our children really enjoy taking care of “their babies.” We use that as a good opportunity to talk about feeling – how the baby could be feeling.
. I have two young children currently in care (now 25 months, child A, and 33 months, child B) who have grown up together at our home. To be blunt - they do not get along. Child B was constantly getting in trouble for being mean to Child A. Once we were able to really look at the situation from child B’s perspective, I understood (not to be confused with condoned) child A is always in his way, interfering with child B’s play, and unable to seamlessly join in. Child B would say “I just do not like her” and while I do not like this – I feel it important to listen to his feelings. We have been working with both children on getting along better. Child B is encouraged to try words first then ask for help. We encourage Child B to think about how Child A feels when unable to join in the fun. It has been a very long process and incredibly difficult to teach, but reading the previous blogs and the book has given me a new perspective on different strategies we could incorporate for these two children. I am open to any ideas from those who have encountered similar situations.
I have really enjoyed reading and discussing the perspective taking blog the most. It seems to be an ongoing challenge with everyone on how to really get a child to stop and understand what someone else is thinking and feeling during a situation at hand; as sometimes adults can't even do this. There have been so many great ideas posted; I can't wait to see which ideas will work best with the little ones I work with. I think it is all about the big picture; the environment, temperament and ability to communicate as to which way to really get them to understand perspective taking.
Sue- I like you question on how to accommodate children with learning differeneces. I know at home I have come across this situation with my teenage boys. I will hear them talking about a child at school that has some form of a disability and how that child just doesn't get when people are joking around. I try to tell them at some of these children don't have the ability to tell the difference between when someone is joking or not. I tell them to really watch these kids to see if they can tell what the child is feeling during a conversation. I tell them that some children with disabilities take EVERYTHING literally. So be careful about what you say to them. Anyone else have any suggestions on this? I find it more of an issue with older children as they are not around adults as much in their everyday life. Maybe this is part of the bullying issue with so many children these days with some form of disability, by not being able to understand when other children are joking around that they think they are being picked on. How do we teach perspective taking in this situation?
I agree with Sarah's comment about perspective taking and the heartbreak of bullying in our society. It is our responsibiliy to teach this to children at an early age thru helping to make children aware of perspective taking or being able to understand another person's point of view. We need to emphasize perspective taking in our program and with parents. Our program uses a curriculum called PATHS. This curriculum helps children identify their feelings and other people's feelings. One of the units deals with compliments. Every day a child is assigned to be the PATHS kid of the day and wears a little badge. The job of the teachers and other children is to compliment that chid on something they have done well that day. It helps children notice and think about others and that child recieves rewards thru praise and doing kind acts toward others. It makes the little ones aware of the others actions and feelings. Parent notices go home explaining the lesson and how parents can partner with us in this effort.
I was interested in Sue’s observation on bullying. What I have read about bullying is that often it will be said “I was only joking” As adults we hopefully have enough perspective to know what is a joke and what is bullying. We also know where the line is. We see in the news results of what happens when children are bullied and then retaliate. I think teaching our children and society that’s it’s okay to be different and it would be boring if we were all the same is important. We teach our children about people who have disabilities wheel chairs, sight, hearing but it is more challenging to teach about mental disabilities. We have an autistic child in our classroom. All the children know that James is different and often learns differently. We try to pair him up at playtime or work time with other children where he can show his strengths. Hopefully as our children progress into public school they will remember James that he was different and they still could be his friend. I hope that if other classmates were bullying him one of his Pre-School friends would befriend him
Jackie- I like your perspective including diversity, teaching children about people from different countries and cultures. A lot of problems arise when people don't take the time to find out someone's values, beliefs, and customs. If we take the time to learn about them, then we might find an easier way to communicate with them and to enjoy learning more about someone's similarities and differences.
I keep perspective taking in my mind while working with children. One issue that comes up with my preschoolers is that they hate to wait. The best thing is to not have to let children wait for anything for long periods of time, but sometimes we just have to wait! The question relating to perspective taking; how would understanding clarify a situation? Understanding the fact that it is hard for small children to wait (this includes transitions) does indeed make the situation more clear. I do a lot of silly stuff teachers do to help kids with transitions. There are plenty of tricks up my sleeve. But, while reading Mind in the Making, It has made me look at some things differently such as the link between creativity and societal success. Professor Mitch Resnick of MIT thinks that the ability to make unusual connections (to think creatively) He says, “ I think that the ability to think and act creatively will be the key to distinguishing quality that will allow people to succeed and be satisfied with their lives.” He said, “The ability to make unusual connections?” I like that. Going back to where I started with the waiting. I thought to myself, in what way could I make this easier for them? If only they had a little bit of patience. That’s it! I thought. I told the children they needed to have a little bit of patience, so I dug in my pocket and carefully put a piece of “ Patience” in each of their hands. One parent told me that her child took it out of his pocket to show her. Kids have even asked me if they can have some because it’s hard to wait. Wow, I thought to myself how creative is that!
Ellen- I can relate to your James in you classroom as a friend of our family has a son that is on the Autism spectrum. He is such a great person to have in our lives as I have been able to explain to my boys many times why sometimes other people act the way they do by comparing them to our friend. My boys have grown up with this boy since he was born, he is now a teenager, and they have always known he was different but have accepted him for who he is. By having him in our lives my boys have taken to many special needs children and really like to be around them. But as I posted before they still have trouble sometimes on their own trying to figure out what other teenagers thoughts and feelings are if they don't know if a child is different. Sometimes I blame it on society. We are not supposed to talk about why someone is different. How do we continue to help older children with perspective taking?
I feel like my classroom is dealing with alot of perspective taking lately. Myself and my coteacher work very hard to have children understand others feelings and have empathy for each other. Lately we have had many of our girls getting into arguments, and a few have turned physical to where one will push the other child. We do make this a big deal and bring the question "How would you feel if she did this too you?" Usually our talks with them work well and we do see a change, especially with the girls. With the boys, we have noticed need reminders a couple times in order for them to really absorb what we are saying to them. Teaching prospective taking is so important so they can see the other persons feelings. I have noticed It also makes us as adults stop and think before we say or do things that aren't the best choices.
The importance of perspective taking can not be stressed enough at all ages and in all walks of life. Jackie talked about the importance of teaching children about diversity. I also agree that it is very important to learn about cultural diversity as well as people who are physically or mentally different. We need to learn about many different people with different life challenges and not just our peer group. Many people have mentioned people with autism or autism spectrum disorder. We have a close family connection with someone "on the spectrum" and it is challenging to know what the child is feeling. That child works very hard at using words to say how he is feeling and has been working on learning what emotions look like "on someone else". Susan T. mentioned children who, because of their individual situation, might not know that they are being made fun of. Susan, I think just the fact that you are talking with your children about the child that takes things so literally is a good start. Perhaps the more we talk about the child who is different the more sensitive others will become. Let's hope!
I am really working with my young group to develop empathy, and I feel that empathy and perspective taking go hand in hand! I have always wanted to develop an empathy training program for infants and toddlers- (someday!) It started with a program called SECOND STEP, lots of schools use it! The program starts with empathy training, problem solving, and then, behavior management. I feel that as teachers, we REALLY need to stay on the empathy part much longer- it is always developing, even as adults! And, when we can not stop to take perspective, or empathize, that is where we find problems, or arguments, or even fights! The studies from Mind in the Making truly show how even as infants we are watching the emotions of others, such as the study with the checkered table, will the baby cross if the mom is worried? No! Infants are beginning to read faces. As adults, we have to be aware of our own gestures, as to be giving appropriate messages to infants, children, and the families we provide for!
There are a lot of experiments throughout this book that I will be trying the rest of this school year. I will also try them in my home! One of the most interesting is in the perspective taking chapter- the Crayon box of paper clips!
It really amazed me to have the children who know what is in the box think that the other children just entering the game- would know what they just learned about paperclips in the box! The new kids wouldn't guess crayons are in the box- they would somehow know there were paperclips! I have to try this !
I also want to share with my preschooler's families the importance of reading in a rich vocabulary, and really describing things for children, especially pictures in books showing emotions. This method of reading actually enhances children's perspective taking by the time they are 5years old! Amazing!
33 comments:
Inhibitory control , cognitive flexibility and reflection are all aspects of perspective taking and not easy for adults to stay attuned to nevermind children. In this age of bullying and children depression, both of which are sadly on the rise, there is just not enough perspective taking happening.
Ellen writes " I've often wondered why perspective taking, despite being so important to human relationships , is not considered an essential skill for thriving. We rarely teach it at home or at school." Empathy and role playing are so important especially is this electronic age where socializing in person is less and less desirable. Encouraging children as early as possible to think and take a breath before they react to a situation would give their mind and bodies a chance to catch up with their emotions. This is easier said than done however; I would with school age children , many of whom are physical boys and their emotions are much faster than my feet! I try hard to get them to see the other child's perspective before something is said or done that cannot be taken back. Prevention is also helpful; to foresee a situation as potentially fraught with emotion and steer clear or divert or redirect. Hopefully, the more time and thought we put into how we treat the children and each other, the more examples of perspective taking the children will have.
I agree with Grace's post. When I first saw this question I also thought about the comment in the book questioning why this skill doesn't have the emphasis put on it that it rightly should. Especially in this day and age where we see people (children and unfortunately some adults) doing what they want without thinking about others or the impact their actions have on those around them. Perspective taking is HUGE and so important to teach at a young age so the child grows up with a sense of compassion and empathy. This will make for a more successful individual later in life. In our group, it can be difficult with the really young children but what comes to mind is when a two year old kicks or steps on a book or toy when we have 'free play'. If a child is seen doing this, I will say something like "Oh Jacob, can I come to your house and kick all your toys? Would that be OK?" and naturally the child says "NO!" in a horrified voice to think I would do that to his favorite things! When they say no, I then say, "Well, please don't do that to my toys here." That usually clicks and the child corrects his behavior. If they don't get it, I also explain that if they step on the book or kick the toy, it could rip or break and then we wouldn't have it to play with or read anymore. That highlights the immediate consequences of their actions and they stop. Rarely do I have to go any further with this as the child begins to model some perspective taking. We also try to encourage perspective taking when we are teaching them to take turns. If a child is reluctant to give a friend a turn with a particular toy, I usually ask them how they would feel if the roles were reversed and they were the ones waiting to play with a toy a friend didn't want to share. You can almost see the "wheels" turning in their heads as they mull this over and slowly relinquish the toy!
I also agree that perspective taking should be a big part of learning in order for children to thrive. If everyone, adults and children, could stop and think before we do and say a lot of things, I think situation would not occur as often; such as bullying. To get a grasp on what someone else is thinking or feeling about a situation, in the moment, is hard enough as an adult and to think if children are not being taught how to read others emotions is very hard for them to understand what someone else is feeling. At the daycare where I work we have a wide age range of children so this is something that we try to work on a lot. One example is when one child will take a toy from another and makes that child either cry or lash out. When have the two children tell us what is going on and why the one took the toy. We then ask that child how do you think that made your friend feel and how would you feel if they had done that to you? We then end with the child saying they are sorry for taking the toy and the other child telling them that it is ok. We also have a baby that is loved by all but can’t talk so we have been teaching the older children that when they love all over her and she cries she is saying she has had enough so to please stop. They are starting to under her emotions by her reaction. I like the part in the book at reminds us to practice what we preach, by really listening to others they learn to listen back.
I found persective taking an interesting and important skill whcih needs to be intentionally taught. In the preschool years, one of the most important skills we teach is social-emotional growth and the ability for young children to understand others and become empathetic to other children's feelings. We have four rules in our preschool-kind words, hands on your own body, listening ears and walking feet. We discuss these everyday with the children and we ask them what they mean to them. They often relate them to an action and we use them in our everyday language and when conflicts arise. It helps them make sense of their own experiences and experiences of others.
Today a little one in my class whom I didn't feel was empathetic toward others came up to another child outside and gave him his fallen hat and said, "It cold." It will be fun noticing these perspective taking incidents with the children.
Also, I like the paragraph about bedtime battles. I hear that complaint from lots of parents, including my own daughter about my little grandaughter. I'm looking forward to relaying this information and seeing if it helps the situation with my class and my family.
Post# 3- Perspective Taking
Perspective taking is an important skill for young children to learn. As preschoolers mature in their social skills, they are more apt to show empathy for others. It is a good reminder for teachers to “view peer conflicts as a good learning experience for children” as stated in the book. In our classroom, we ask the children to tell us what is wrong, how they each feel and to suggest ways to solve the problem. Talking about the children’s feelings during the conflict helps them to see other points of view and to learn that their words and actions have consequences. If a child hurts another peer we have them sit with them especially if the child needs an ice pack. With the mixed age group we have now, it was very noticeable in September with some 2.9 and 3 year old children. We had to teach them to “use their words”, ask before they take something from someone and to not break others buildings or manipulatives. We have “please save signs” for the children to use to save what they have made for one day. The timer works well too for taking turns until they learn to share on their own. I also talk about teasing and not excluding our friends from the group. This happens a lot more with the girls when two are playing together and another one wants to join them. Sometimes the girls will exclude the boys or vice versa. If a child repeatedly does this thye will be asked to play by alone for a while.
In Chapter 2, Ross Thompson talks about a brain study that suggests that “children who have perspective taking skills are more apt to do well in Kindergarten”. Also Larry Abner feels that teaching “appraisal skills may reduce aggression and increase mental health. Reading books often and let the children answer questions about the story. We have feelings pictures that the children can guess what the emotion is being shown. It can be time consuming and takes a lot of energy throughout the day as we “put out fires.” it is worth it in the end as the children grow in this important social skill.
Galinsky has written that "perspective taking is crucial to all aspects of human success, that it is our main job to teach children to understand others' perspectives, that we have to learn to live with others." She states that perspective taking goes beyond empathy. It's figuring out what others are feeling and thinking. She feels that the inability to see things as others do is the the heart of conflict.
Galinsky also writes that perspective taking calls on the many of the brain's executive functions. It requires inhibitory control to help an individual inhibit his own thoughts and feelings to consider another perspective. It requires cognitive flexibility which helps an individual to see a situation in different ways and reflection which is the ability to consider someone else's thinking along side of our own.
We teach the children in our program to use conflict resolution when they have a problem with a friend, whether it be over a toy, something said, or physical contact, such as hitting.
Together we identify the problem, talk about how each child feels making sure that each child has a turn to give his side of the story and that the other child stops to listen. We discuss possible solutions and then choose a solution that is fair to everybody. The teacher is the facilitator who repeats what is being said and helps calm the children so that they can resolve the conflict.
When there is a conflict where a child is physically hurt, such as being pushed, we encourage the offender to ask "Are you okay?" "Do you need anything, a tissue or ice?" "Do you need a hug?" We teach them that saying sorry is the first step but that it's not enough. We have to solve the problem AND help the friend who got hurt.
We have also been making the children aware of the tone of voice they are using when they talk to a teacher, a parent, or friend. It's not just about saying the right words. It's also about the tone of voice, facial expression, and body language.
Daniel Goleman calls it "emotional contagion", that our brain has to catch the emotions on an unconscious level. The brain "extracts nonverbal information on subtle levels microseconds before we are consciously aware of it." When we intentionally teach our children these strategies, then we are giving them the foundation to be successful in school, at home, and in society.
The young children in our infant-toddler program are also taught perspective taking. They are encouraged to say, "No, my turn!" when another child tries to take away a book or toy or "I don't like that. It makes me feel sad." when the child is pushed or hit. You are never too young to learn perspective taking.
"Before we can teach perspective taking to our children, we have to learn it." p.72. This is such an important point. Often times, as the teachers of the children in our class or of our own children, we forget that they learn more from observing us than from what we actually say. We have to remember that we are role models. We bring children together to work out their problems. We also help them to really listen to each other and be aware of how another is feeling, but more importantly, we need to really listen to them when they are talking to us. We should not dismiss what they are saying or tell them that they are fine without really understanding the situation. Sometimes when the classroom gets really busy or when I have an idea of how a group lesson should go, I don't always give the children enough time to express themselves or how they are feeling. After having read this chapter on perspective taking, I will work harder to slow down and give the children the time they need to express their feelings and ackownledge those feelings as legitimate.
Galinsky states "Perspective taking involves the intellectual skill of discerning how someone else thinks and feels". Perspective taking is such an important skill. I agree with what Sue Trisoline said about bullying, if children could look at things from someoe else's perspective maybe there would be less bullying, same thing goes for cliques, if kids could put themselves in someone else's shoes maybe less kids would be left to feel like outsiders or outcasts.
In my FCC some instances I use perspective taking is when the kids are arguing over toys or when someone gets pushed, hit or even bitten, I get the kids together and we look at the situation from all sides and together we come up with a solution to the situation.
I use perspective taking with my two teenagers. When we disagree on an issue (such as my 16 almost 17 year old daughter wanting to get her drivers license) I look at both sides, yes I understand she wants her license and the independence that goes along with it, but my perspective is her driving skill aren't quite there yet and her safety as well as the safety of others is more important, so on this issue my perspective takes precedence. This isn't always the case, there are times she will explain her side of things and I will see that her perspective has merit and I sway her way. But as far at the driving goes even though she would be more independent and able to get herself places on her own making things easier for me, I just don't think her skills are quite there yet, so I have to give her opportunities to work on those skills and help her get where she needs/wants to be. I am trying to get her to see things from the parents perspective but that is easier said than done.
I also wonder if perspective taking can go to far...I am good at seeig both sides of issues (such as political hot button issues)and seeing/understnding where both sides are coming from. Because of this I have trouble choosing sides, and usually stay neutral...because I see both sides and can't choose is this a good thing or a bad thing?? Is there too much perspective taking going on??
If the world was better at perspective taking, the world would be a much better place to live in! I agree with the book. This does seem to be an issue with adults in our world. What better place to teach about perspective taking then at the preschool level. Encouraging communication between the children helps them realize that the other child may have their own perspective. Many times asking the child "how do you think that made Suzi feel?" is met by just a glazed look. But if you ask Suzi in front of the other child.. "how did that make you feel?" Suzi will say that it made her sad/mad/scared etc. The other child can see first hand how his actions made Suzi feel.
We have a group of 4 girls who play together. Many times when they are playing princesses one of the girls, A, comes to the teachers and says that E called me ugly. E says no, I just said you could be the ugly step sister because we already have too many princesses. E will defend this statement like there was nothing wrong with it. I would tell E that that made A feel bad and that everyone can be a princess etc. E would say ok and they'd continue to play. The next day this would happening all over again, and the next day, and the next etc. So one day I said to E, well if there are too many princesses then maybe you could be the ugly step sister today. Her eyes filled up and she said... no she never wants to be the ugly stepsister. I told her that she didn't have to be but asked her how she thinks A feels when she tells A to be the ugly stepsister. E looked down and said "sad". E has never told anyone to be the ugly step sister again. Sometimes you need more than just pointing it out.... you may actually need to put yourself in someone else's shoes, in a safe way, to see their perspective.
Children who understand perspective taking will be in less conflicts and have the tools and understanding to help solve most conflicts. Taking someone else's perspective can clarify a situation by realizing it was an accident or not meant to hurt you. Understand why someone did what they did, can help the children solve the conflict.
3. What strategies can you suggest to promote perspective taking in the children you teach? Why is this important? How would understanding clarify a situation? Relate your response to the book as well as to your real life examples.
“Perspective-taking” as used in the book seems to be a combination of taking a broad view, and being interested in, or taking into account the viewpoint, problems, thoughts, and feelings of others.
The propensity for taking a broad view appears “architectural” in a child, as part of a child’s fundamental genetic makeup, some children being naturally interested in fine detail and others in broad concepts. Taking a broad view is perhaps not a teachable trait, although teaching what the broad view might be in specific instances or in categories if instances, is quite possible to teach, by rote.
However, encouraging a child to incorporate the problems, thoughts, and feelings of others in their own thoughts and actions is important for both empathetic and pragmatic reasons. The ability for a child to do this greatly depends upon the child’s ability to communicate and “read” others, both abilities being variable child to child.
Encouraging “perspective-taking” as part of a child’s natural empathy would therefore be a matter of creating or taking advantage of naturally occurring situations in which the child or the teacher is presented with situations suggesting the need for empathy. The teacher presented with such a situation would display empathy in an amplified and pleasurable way to set an example for emulation by the child. The child presented with such a situation would be encouraged and guided by the teacher towards pleasing empathetic behavior, and rewarded for it.
“Perspective-taking” for pragmatic reasons is a more intellectual and strategic skill, which would be taught verbally, or by example, once a child gains some skill in empathetic “perspective-taking.” Teaching pragmatic “perspective-taking” carries with it the danger of teaching and encouraging manipulative behavior, so in this endeavor the teacher should always encourage in the child in a clear-headed examination of goals and considerations of what constitutes good and honorable behavior.
As the author explains, it is not easy to teach a child to take the perspective of someone else, especially if the child does not see eye to eye or the object of empathy has something the child wants or has hurt the child. In order for the skill of perspective taking to be effectively taught, it must be constantly kept present as a concern in the classroom.
By this time in the year, in our classroom we sigh with pleasure as we observe how well the children have learned to work and play and the cooperative things they say and do with one another.
In the program I work for our teaching curriculum has 5 components and one is Social Emotional. The Social Emotional we use is called Paths. Paths curriculum comes with puppets, props , lesson plans and hand - outs for the parents so they will know what emotions we have been talking about and can continue discussion at home. This whole curriculum is about perspective taking. The puppets act out different scenarios and talk about how they feel. Children are then able to use the puppets during free play to expand on their learning. Often when children have a conflict they will ask to use the puppets to help them communicate their feelings. We also use Conflict Resolution .The teacher will sit with two children to help resolve a conflict and repeat what each one says and ask them to come up with the solution. So many times I have gone into a classroom and see children fighting over a toy, the teacher will take the toy away and put it up on a shelf. The children never learn to resolve their problem or learn empathy. As the author says perspective requires inhibitory control and this is very challenging for many children especially children with impulsivity challenges.
Some strategies that I use in my classroom to promote perspective taking are to make sure other children are aware of others and their feelings, (looking at faces or actions) not just in times of battle or hurt feelings, but also I might say to a child, “I wonder what --- is laughing so much about?” or “Maybe we can find out why --- is making that screeching sound? So I think it is important with perspective taking, that the teacher use language that sparks the interest of children to find out how someone else is feeling. It helps everyone understand that we are all human. In the book it says that most of us don’t really think about how to teach children to be with others. By shifting your own perspective, you will begin to see the opportunities for learning. I’ve been practicing perspective taking with my husband and I can truly say there have been fewer opportunities for disagreement!
I think perspective taking is an important skill that is needed for conflict resolution. I saw it today where child A had a toy that child B really wanted. Child B instinctively went to grab for the toy so Child A started to have a little melt down. We encouraged Child A to 'use their words" so they did telling the other child they were playing with it. Well, Child B patiently waited their turn but Child A was taking a LOOONG time in wanting to give up that toy. We asked child A how would he feel if it were him who was waiting to play with the toy? How did he think Child B felt? etc. Then we asked Child A what he thought he should do. He thought for a moment and slowly handed the toy over to child B and said "okay, your turn!". It was important that the child come up with the solution to the dilemma himself. He 'got it' and it was, although guided, HIS decision. He also was praised for being a good friend and seeing that he was doing a great job sharing. It took a little longer to work through it this way but if we just intervened immediately at the first sign of conflict, all the child would see was a teacher taking a toy away from him and giving it to another and he would not have learned anything.
I think learning to read non-verbal cues (facial expressions, body posture) is one of the most important components to understanding others. In our playspace we sing songs like Happy and You Know It and make the corresponding facial expressions (happy, sad, mad, excited) and identify emotions in illustrations by asking "How do you think (that character) is feeling?"
The book mentions a "curriculum aimed at teaching children to understand other people's intentions and behaviors by using children's books" - I am very interested to know more about these resources. Is anyone familiar with this curriculum and/or the books that address these topics?
Pam- I like you strategies on perspective taking and how you appraoch conversation with the children to make them aware of others around them by asking open ended questions about how other are feeling or why they are doing something. We have many opportunties during the day to bring these type of conversations up with the kids. I can't wait to see what some of the children will say when I ask these type of questions. I know we already do alot of different things with ways to approach persective taking but sometimes just the casual conversation may get the wheels turning in our little ones heads to observe other a little more and really see how others are feeling.
I liked how Pam pointed out not just focusing on when the children are having unhappy feelings but also pointing out the happy
feelings that the children are having. This teaches the children that even if someone isn't showing unhappy feelings that they are still having feelings,and that we should be aware of other peoples perspectives at all points not just un happy points. I have been making more of an effort to point out how others are feeling and having conversations about it with my little ones. I have a feelings puzzle that I use with the children, the puzzle has a bear on it and you can change faces to represent different feelings. When we use this puzzle I ask how do you think the bear is feeling now, what would make him feel that way? This is a nice way to talk about feelings/perspectives and how other's are feeling without singling out someone in the room.
One of the things that I really like about this discussion format is the opportunity to hear from other teachers dealing with similar classroom situations. This year I have ten girls and three boys in my group. Several of the girls have what I would call strong personalities. We use the term "kind friend" at our school. Our children are reminded to be kind friends, and that we are all friends at school. We encourage the children to talk to one another to resolve conflict and guide them as they work at being a kind friend. I often ask my children if their behavior was "a kind friend thing to do" and how they think it made someone else feel. I also ask what a kind friend might or should do, I let the children know that it's alright to want to play with different friends or do a quiet activity alone but to use kind words to communicate that to another child or children.
I think that understanding perspective taking such a key life lesson. As teachers of busy children, we are often pulled in many different directions. I think that it is very important to take the time to understand classroom situations and children's perspectives. Last week one boy at our school said "this is my worst day ever". Our director asked him why and he said no one is letting me sit where I want to. The boy was right. He had had a hard time positioning himself where he wanted to be. He was reminded that sometimes seating placement was not always a choice. He was also reminded to talk with friends or ask a teacher for help if necessary. Suggestion 4 on p. 92 says help children feel known and understood." I think in that instance the boy felt known and understood and that adults were there to help.
After rest time we often sit as a group before going to snack. We talk about our day and anything that we might need to address. My group needs to be reminded to respect space and property of others. One afternoon another teacher and I sat next to each other and showed the children what it was like to touch each other's things or to invade space. It was a great opportunity for discussion and the children could actually "see" what we were talking about. They understood how we or the other person might feel. Suggestion 7 on p.98 says "give children opportunities to pretend". That was our teacher opportunity to pretend. One of the things I love to do is observe when the children are playing in the play kitchen making a meal or playing dress up. It's always interesting to hear what they are saying to one another.
I thought each of the nine suggestions to promote perspective taking in children was helpful. Early childhood is such a critical time and learning about perspective is a skill that children will need an use daily for the rest of their lives. Galinsky says (p. 100) "Studies have found that young children who learn to understand what is going on in the minds of others have a better adjustment to kindergarten." We have been working with a girl in our program who will be heading off to kindergarten in the fall. She has older siblings at home and has not always been a "kind friend" to some of the girls at school. We have really monitored her interactions with peers and have praised her kindness and communication progress. It is rewarding to see the child learning to understand about perspectives.
In response to Susan Trisoline, I couldn't agree more about what you said about this being for both children and adults. It's heart breaking to hear that so many children, teens, and young adults are being bullied. Now a days if someone is bullying there are so many ways to do so. Whether it's in a school settings, outside of school, online, phone, or text messaging. I have always been a very open and accepting person and working with children I believe it's so important to teach children how to perspective take at a young age. This not only makes the child think about things before they say or do something but it also stays with them and is something they will work on throughout their lives and will be able to share with others who may not think of other peoples opinions. Mary Beth, I always really connected with what you said about the little boy at your center saying "This is my worst day ever," because of seating arrangements, which is supported on page 92 to help children feel known and understood. A child in my class who has a hard time napping told me last week that "nap time gave him 100 head aches." This time of day is extremely tough for him. Hes a very active child and he gets bored with reading books during this time, and the other activities we do have for those who do not nap. I have to take a step back and do some perspective taking with him and really try and understand what he is saying. It makes it a lot easier for both him and myself when we talk about it and share how we are feeling or how other children are very tired and they need their sleep during this time and we need to respect it and not make noise. Having open conversation with each other and feelings I believe is a huge step in making children and adults see different perspectives.
I enjoyed reading your insightful comments about perspective taking. Many of you mentioned bullying; is bullying a lack of perspective or a need for control? As Sheila stated Teaching “perspective-taking” carries with it the danger of teaching and encouraging manipulative behavior, so in this endeavor the teacher should always encourage in the child of what constitutes honorable behavior. It would appear there is a need to teach moral behavior. How do you teach morals and values?
Additionally communication skills seem essential to perspective taking. Many discussed talking with children about feelings. How many of you purposefully teach emotional vocabulary? Which words do you use? Sheila’s added The ability for a child to do this greatly depends upon the child’s ability to communicate and “read” others, both abilities being variable child to child. Rosemary added It's not just about saying the right words. It's also about the tone of voice, facial expression, and body language. What about children with Autism Spectrum Disorder or other disabilities that effect communication? Ellen Gallagher added perspective requires inhibitory control and this is very challenging for many children especially children with impulsivity challenges. How do we accommodate children with learning differences?
Susan T., Joanne, Sarah, and Pam remind us to practice what we preach, by really listening to others they learn to listen back. We need to be appropriate role models who practice compassion and empathy. I agree with Lisa that understanding the intention can help the resolve the conflict. I will remember this as I drive to campus tomorrow.
See you tomorrow~Sue
I agree with Sarah and Susan's posts. Children are easily influenced by there surroundings and the culture and opinions of their parents and caregivers. We as educators can influence the their development of different perspectives by teaching and informing them about various cultures and situations like bullying etc.If we introduce this at a young age and continue to teach it through the years the children be more aware of these situations. I also think it is so important to teach children at an young age about diversity. Reading books and singing songs about differen cultures at circle time would be a great way to introduce this. Children need to learn to understand and accept the idea that all people are diffent but we are all equal. By teaching about diversity and situations like bullying children will be aware of the idea that there are many different lifestyles and points of view.
That is an interesting comment Susan posted regarding the bullying. When I think of perspective taking, I automatically assume it covers a moral issue because it is basically teaching children to think of others and hopefully treat others the way they would wish to be treated. We are constantly encouraging children to express their feelings verbally. If a child is upset and stomping their feet or crying because another took a toy they had, we tell them to "Use their words" and most times they will. Even if the child says in a not so nice tone, "I HAD THAT FIRST!!! GIVE IT BACK!" we allow them the chance to verbalize what they're thinking. It's really cool when they can straighten out the issue on their own. We often will lead them through the conversation though if they need some guidance on how to rectify the situation. Some days I feel like I say "Words!" or "Use your words!" a lot but as these kids are getting older, I can see how they are communicating better with each other and working out disagreements sometimes on their own.
I have found the previous bogs so enriching. The bloggers before me really have given me more to think about beyond the words in this book. For me, it is important to not only understand how the child’s mind works, but how I am enhance my skills as their daycare provider. From the previous blogs I was able to really think about good things that I do naturally with the children to teach Perspective Taking. We encourage the children to use there words and talk out problems. We work together to understand how everyone is feeling. We talk with the kids how we are a family and family’s take care of each. Our children really enjoy taking care of “their babies.” We use that as a good opportunity to talk about feeling – how the baby could be feeling.
. I have two young children currently in care (now 25 months, child A, and 33 months, child B) who have grown up together at our home. To be blunt - they do not get along. Child B was constantly getting in trouble for being mean to Child A. Once we were able to really look at the situation from child B’s perspective, I understood (not to be confused with condoned) child A is always in his way, interfering with child B’s play, and unable to seamlessly join in. Child B would say “I just do not like her” and while I do not like this – I feel it important to listen to his feelings. We have been working with both children on getting along better. Child B is encouraged to try words first then ask for help. We encourage Child B to think about how Child A feels when unable to join in the fun. It has been a very long process and incredibly difficult to teach, but reading the previous blogs and the book has given me a new perspective on different strategies we could incorporate for these two children. I am open to any ideas from those who have encountered similar situations.
I have really enjoyed reading and discussing the perspective taking blog the most. It seems to be an ongoing challenge with everyone on how to really get a child to stop and understand what someone else is thinking and feeling during a situation at hand; as sometimes adults can't even do this. There have been so many great ideas posted; I can't wait to see which ideas will work best with the little ones I work with. I think it is all about the big picture; the environment, temperament and ability to communicate as to which way to really get them to understand perspective taking.
Sue- I like you question on how to accommodate children with learning differeneces. I know at home I have come across this situation with my teenage boys. I will hear them talking about a child at school that has some form of a disability and how that child just doesn't get when people are joking around. I try to tell them at some of these children don't have the ability to tell the difference between when someone is joking or not. I tell them to really watch these kids to see if they can tell what the child is feeling during a conversation. I tell them that some children with disabilities take EVERYTHING literally. So be careful about what you say to them. Anyone else have any suggestions on this? I find it more of an issue with older children as they are not around adults as much in their everyday life. Maybe this is part of the bullying issue with so many children these days with some form of disability, by not being able to understand when other children are joking around that they think they are being picked on. How do we teach perspective taking in this situation?
I agree with Sarah's comment about perspective taking and the heartbreak of bullying in our society. It is our responsibiliy to teach this to children at an early age thru helping to make children aware of perspective taking or being able to understand another person's point of view. We need to emphasize perspective taking in our program and with parents. Our program uses a curriculum called PATHS. This curriculum helps children identify their feelings and other people's feelings. One of the units deals with compliments. Every day a child is assigned to be the PATHS kid of the day and wears a little badge. The job of the teachers and other children is to compliment that chid on something they have done well that day. It helps children notice and think about others and that child recieves rewards thru praise and doing kind acts toward others. It makes the little ones aware of the others actions and feelings. Parent notices go home explaining the lesson and how parents can partner with us in this effort.
I was interested in Sue’s observation on bullying. What I have read about bullying is that often it will be said “I was only joking” As adults we hopefully have enough perspective to know what is a joke and what is bullying. We also know where the line is. We see in the news results of what happens when children are bullied and then retaliate. I think teaching our children and society that’s it’s okay to be different and it would be boring if we were all the same is important. We teach our children about people who have disabilities wheel chairs, sight, hearing but it is more challenging to teach about mental disabilities.
We have an autistic child in our classroom. All the children know that James is different and often learns differently. We try to pair him up at playtime or work time with other children where he can show his strengths. Hopefully as our children progress into public school they will remember James that he was different and they still could be his friend. I hope that if other classmates were bullying him one of his Pre-School friends would befriend him
Jackie- I like your perspective including diversity, teaching children about people from different countries and cultures. A lot of problems arise when people don't take the time to find out someone's values, beliefs, and customs. If we take the time to learn about them, then we might find an easier way to communicate with them and to enjoy learning more about someone's similarities and differences.
I keep perspective taking in my mind while working with children. One issue that comes up with my preschoolers is that they hate to wait. The best thing is to not have to let children wait for anything for long periods of time, but sometimes we just have to wait!
The question relating to perspective taking; how would understanding clarify a situation? Understanding the fact that it is hard for small children to wait (this includes transitions) does indeed make the situation more clear. I do a lot of silly stuff teachers do to help kids with transitions. There are plenty of tricks up my sleeve. But, while reading Mind in the Making, It has made me look at some things differently such as the link between creativity and societal success.
Professor Mitch Resnick of MIT thinks that the ability to make unusual connections (to think creatively) He says, “ I think that the ability to think and act creatively will be the key to distinguishing quality that will allow people to succeed and be satisfied with their lives.”
He said, “The ability to make unusual connections?” I like that. Going back to where I started with the waiting. I thought to myself, in what way could I make this easier for them? If only they had a little bit of patience. That’s it! I thought. I told the children they needed to have a little bit of patience, so I dug in my pocket and carefully put a piece of “ Patience” in each of their hands. One parent told me that her child took it out of his pocket to show her. Kids have even asked me if they can have some because it’s hard to wait. Wow, I thought to myself how creative is that!
Ellen- I can relate to your James in you classroom as a friend of our family has a son that is on the Autism spectrum. He is such a great person to have in our lives as I have been able to explain to my boys many times why sometimes other people act the way they do by comparing them to our friend. My boys have grown up with this boy since he was born, he is now a teenager, and they have always known he was different but have accepted him for who he is. By having him in our lives my boys have taken to many special needs children and really like to be around them. But as I posted before they still have trouble sometimes on their own trying to figure out what other teenagers thoughts and feelings are if they don't know if a child is different. Sometimes I blame it on society. We are not supposed to talk about why someone is different. How do we continue to help older children with perspective taking?
I feel like my classroom is dealing with alot of perspective taking lately. Myself and my coteacher work very hard to have children understand others feelings and have empathy for each other. Lately we have had many of our girls getting into arguments, and a few have turned physical to where one will push the other child. We do make this a big deal and bring the question "How would you feel if she did this too you?" Usually our talks with them work well and we do see a change, especially with the girls. With the boys, we have noticed need reminders a couple times in order for them to really absorb what we are saying to them. Teaching prospective taking is so important so they can see the other persons feelings. I have noticed It also makes us as adults stop and think before we say or do things that aren't the best choices.
The importance of perspective taking can not be stressed enough at all ages and in all walks of life. Jackie talked about the importance of teaching children about diversity. I also agree that it is very important to learn about cultural diversity as well as people who are physically or mentally different. We need to learn about many different people with different life challenges and not just our peer group. Many people have mentioned people with autism or autism spectrum disorder. We have a close family connection with someone "on the spectrum" and it is challenging to know what the child is feeling. That child works very hard at using words to say how he is feeling and has been working on learning what emotions look like "on someone else". Susan T. mentioned children who, because of their individual situation, might not know that they are being made fun of. Susan, I think just the fact that you are talking with your children about the child that takes things so literally is a good start. Perhaps the more we talk about the child who is different the more sensitive others will become. Let's hope!
Pam- I love your little bit of patience!
I am really working with my young group to develop empathy, and I feel that empathy and perspective taking go hand in hand! I have always wanted to develop an empathy training program for infants and toddlers- (someday!)
It started with a program called SECOND STEP, lots of schools use it! The program starts with empathy training, problem solving, and then, behavior management. I feel that as teachers, we REALLY need to stay on the empathy part much longer- it is always developing, even as adults! And, when we can not stop to take perspective, or empathize, that is where we find problems, or arguments, or even fights! The studies from Mind in the Making truly show how even as infants we are watching the emotions of others, such as the study with the checkered table, will the baby cross if the mom is worried? No! Infants are beginning to read faces. As adults, we have to be aware of our own gestures, as to be giving appropriate messages to infants, children, and the families we provide for!
There are a lot of experiments throughout this book that I will be trying the rest of this school year. I will also try them in my home! One of the most interesting is in the perspective taking chapter- the Crayon box of paper clips!
It really amazed me to have the children who know what is in the box think that the other children just entering the game- would know what they just learned about paperclips in the box! The new kids wouldn't guess crayons are in the box- they would somehow know there were paperclips! I have to try this !
I also want to share with my preschooler's families the importance of reading in a rich vocabulary, and really describing things for children, especially pictures in books showing emotions. This method of reading actually enhances children's perspective taking by the time they are 5years old! Amazing!
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